All the Lyttle Lyttons on one page.

"The experiment of multiculturalism has failed," noted Captain Perry as he removed the laser-bayonet from the brown man's chest.

The sky was gray, fitting for this grim dystopia.

"Mom," I asked my mom. "What's for breakfast?"
"You know I haven't made breakfast since your father died in a mysterious car crash a year ago on your birthday," she said sadly. "You have his eyes."

Though she may have wiped away the tears, they just couldn't stop flowing. Like a wound on a patient without enough platelets, it kept pouring out, rapidly filling in the paths she tried to remove.

The cattle-rustler's whip sang through the air like a long thin snake.

With the brassy tocsin of his morning alarm clock, John Michaelson's weary eyes exploded open.

Night falls in East L.A. with the crimson blood of men, as the day rises with women's tears.

David fell into Greg's manful arms and cried against his waiting muscles.

Nothing would ever stop reminding me of Lisa and her body.

So we all had dicks, all of the boys — can I go on?

The dancers undressed; Liam noted their respective vulvae.

All the girls at the school talked about makeup and boys, but Sheila wore ripped jeans and didn't care.

I hope you discover, my dear teenagers, reading about my life as a "rebel", that doing what your parents say isn't always bad, cuz it can be bitchin' sometimes.

Ten years ago in the war, the only thing in which I thought I would be was "the shit," not this mansion where I live at now.

I knew that Billy had hiked into my life on a trail of broken hearts, but I never guessed that mine too would soon be becoming a part of that trail.

They had the mettle of men, and yet they ate the biscuits of dogs.

Jorge was helplessly gripped by the sight before him, like cojones in the hand of an expert dominatriz.

"This sure is a bad murder," quietly thought Detective Gaius Hanssen as he was investigating a hell of a crime at the Colosseum in Ancient Rome.

"The Crime Lads have done it again," I realized grimly, surveying my dead wife.

As he stared into her fiery alabaster eyes, the wealthy Earl Roderick realized that Lady Serena was not like the other Regency-era noblewomen he had known.

I gently began to fuck Tracey, and as the fucking continued we swept down and across the floor like midnight dancers.

Darla lay aside her man, yowling cat noises in the glow of their grownup lovedance.

Their passionate love took flight as an explosion of sprawling limbs and content genitalia.

I couldn't believe what I heard as I read the words in her note which, like daggers, sliced up all my feels.

Phil's tears fell softly, carried down his face by the gravity of her unfairness.

No one could love a dark-past'd vampire like me.

Nils awoke, contemplating the things of love.

Dave, sitting there, thought to himself quietly about all the different things in the world.

The man with black skin took the big rubber ball and jumped and put it into the basket with a metal rim on a board.

"No!" raged the swimmer, his opponent streaking by to touch the wall like a dolphin, "No."

Ah, the first time I set eyes on Asia... a whole new world of rich descriptions and evocative atmospheres was unveiled before my eyes.

New York in the 80s: money was tight, but homies were tighter.

The mean loudmouths at Orangedale High just didn't understand Timmy, who only wanted to stay quiet and read and appreciate nature.

Stepping into the trinket shop, the musty air inhaled by Glenda's lungs went unnoticed, distracted by the air of wonder inhaled by her eyes.

Dark. Cold. Vast. Shards, falling. Shapelessness. Formlessness. A wheeling, as of stars. Yes: you are inside my cerebral cortex, suckling on my thoughts.

Welcome to WikiPlot, the free novel that anyone can edit! LOL JOHN LIKED POO

The rain loudly hits the sidewalk like bacon sizzles in a skillet, thinks Jake as he holds his coat collar closed, wishing he could trade the bitter cold for that meaty heat.

Casie did not enjoy the preference dreams, like lemon — red pepper — onion; she much preferred the simple dreams, like orange — orange.

We had succeeded in evaluating the strengths and needs of the enemy battlestation. "Eureka," I exclaimed. Prepare to utilize Attack Plan Theta on the rear defensive shield!

Madison was a shy, awkward, inwardly beautiful teenaged girl just like you.

Pius XIII stood on the balcony, triumphant. Earlier, when the white smoke had vacated the chimney, not one citizen of FurRome would have bet on a Shibu-Ina to emerge.

Charging, sprinting, loping with great speed, the cheetah lunged at Theodore Roosevelt, but he already had that cheetah dead to rights.

"This isn't fair!", wept Case, who had previously been the team captain but due to events yet to be described was not now.

"Please, just give me the answers to the test!" said Ron. Jacob pulled his mouth over his teeth as if to say "I am not going to give you the answers."

Jacques entered out of the rain, drenched from that selfsame precipitate.

Carrie sat alone, at the most expensive restaurant in town, for the third time that month. Maybe if she turned her violet-eyed head the right way, she would get swept off her feet by a gorgeous man.

The fast man raced quickly after the other man, while a third man tried to keep pace with the first man.

The sex I had with a girl last night filled me with a feeling of 100% Grade A joy.

John ejaculated with such strength as if to say "I love you Mary."

Amy gasped for her last breath, as she entered the intoxicating room of her brother.

"BOOM!" said the bomb very loudly.

It was a beautiful night, and the full moon glew like it had never glown before.

The fireman squad extinguished the house, as it was aflame.

Sirens had always made Simon feel safe, like being inside a strong man's muscles.

As all true prophets know, the lips of fate are tightly sealed, and only the crowbar that is the passing of time can manage to pry them open.

Taft slid slowly, carefully into the bathtub. He knew that it would be the best bath that he and the bathtub had ever had.

As I approached the dairy aisle, wondering what milk to buy, I remembered my doctor suggested a low fat milk, so I purchased skim milk.

Dolly looked upon her paper expeditiously then elevated up her pencil. She had now commenced not only a race against the clock, but a race to get the best mark ever in the class.

Wow. He was firmly mesmerized by her bright blue eyes that complemented her blue floral dress.

Her golden hair bounced in the breeze like farm-fresh honey flowing from a jar.

The moon shone like a star, while tears of heaven rained the sky.

A lone plastic grocery bag fluttered in the breeze, like a sail without a boat.

She was really really hot, her breast like flames to my heart and mind.

Today was the night where our love was to be consummated, by making love.

Albert Einstein claimed that the only universal constant is light. However, Einstein never witnessed the power of Vittoria Lionheart's love.

"Do you still love me, John?" I asked. "I don't love you, Marie," came the reply from the letter I held in my shaking hands.

Even as I leaned on the lamppost, the sadness of my heart could not be brightened.

It was the worst possible news he could have received. He howled an inarticulate howl of rage, and threw the various decorations on his mahogany desk all across the small room.

Gramlax the Mighty raised his broadsword overhead and swung it mightily, roaring, "You fellows will certainly pay!"

Kaldor fondled the hilt of his sword with his lanky fingers and inhaled the sunrise. "I taste the future blood of my enemies," he relished.

Melissae's ears, which ears were long and pointed on account of her proud elfin heritage, were perked up.

Robert woke up in a hospital bed and he couldn't remember the criminal man he had just killed moments before.

My pen allowed me to write this tale, your eyes to read it, your mind to "get it."

Just as we were moving from the wedding to the reception, Mother demanded, "Show me by the way that you dance that you are."

Stephen knew today felt wrong, as he listened to "Heart Cooks Brain," by the band "Modest Mouse," from the album "Lonesome Crowded West."

The cat sat in silence on the window sill, doing catlike things while watching his owner tend to the makings of supper.

Sheila woke up instantly; it was that dream again — the one with the face, and the man, with the face.

It was August 2009. On this sunny morning, Lake Como was a picture of tranquility, a striking contrast to the turbulence of the global apparel industry.

I have been married to my wife Janice for 38 years. We have four daughters and have been blessed with twelve grandchildren. I can relate to individual and family issues.

I awakened with renewed hope that I grimly tried to suppress.

In interacting with Japanese women, I noticed something.

In the Land of Wasteland, there lived a city called Sand City.

Cowboy Bret said to Dave (another cowboy), "Now let's rustle up these cattles."

A wind was blowing from east to west, as if it were the sun, blowing instead of shining.

I passed the fledgling plastic to the checkout chick. "Cred?" she said.

The blood that was dripping onto the parched floor resembled a Rorschach ink-blot test, invented in 1921 by Hermann Rorschach.

He, from a physical stature, was short.

"Caw! Caw!" went the birds as the massacres happened (the birds represent sadness).

He kissed Abigail sensually, as if to say "I still need you" with his lips.

"Bring me the light of your love," Steve purred into my ears.

"My heart medication!" slowly remembered Dwayne, but his lateness was a stark reality.

This was the story of a brave man, a freeman, who can't stop touching society.

"AAHHH" she screamed in horror as her infant rocketed from inside her towards the free world.

"Me, I like a girl with a couple extra pounds on her," said Tom, subtly negging his target.

The spice filled up my taste buds, and was quite lovely.

Mongoose-to-cobra, two serpentine forms, he was my rival; are we fighting in these holes, or are we really making love?

Princess Amabel brushed her silky golden hair and tried not to think about my breasts.

The detective could smell the murder on the knife.

"NOOOOOOOOOON!" cried Poirot Jr., falling to his knees and rending his fledgling moustaches, "But when will ze killings end?!"

"You just may be the most beautiful perp I've ever laid sensors on," thought the robot lieutenant as his humanoid partner ate donuts unaware.

This story is about a man and a woman, with lots of things sticking into things.

He lived in a time of stories told by many.

Her "parents," her "boyfriends" — Angel knew she'd never be truly understood by anyone.

Let's rap about the issues of today.

No matter how hard life got, Zade thought, ska would always be there.

As I stood there, looking at the ground, I thought to myself, "Was it all worth it?", but then my train of thought was interrupted by a small, yet angry, cobra.

Then she died sobbing. Except platinum-level members at my website can download an awesome premium ending that has sex instead.

Slowly, carefully, and with a lot of understanding, he put his mouth onto her mouth.

"Wow," said David Spergel, an astrophysicist at Princeton who was not involved in the work.

Splashy the whale smiled secretively, flapping his flappers and swimming.

The meteor formed a crater, vampires crawling out of the crater.

This is a story about a racist hero who dies at the end, probably painfully since he'll get shot in the face.

"You are the greatest human in the world," the dragon told the boy who desperately wanted to be a dragon, too.

This is a mystery about a murder I committed.

"Murder is the most terrible crime of them all," the police commissioner thought to himself as he loitered purposefully near the deli counter.

Once upon a time, there was a talking lamp whose lightbulb fell out and hit a person and the person got shocked and destroyed everything.

Zandor stood in the doorway, raking the onlooking crowd with the hot coals of his eyes.

The general, one might have said, had a sly, sneering-smile expression upon his face.

There was only one man salubrious enough to assuage my hunger for love — senator Saxby Chambliss (R-GA).

"You are in pain; both physical and emotional," my heart informed me.

When John left me he took with him my heart, my soul, my everything — which included my happiness, my appetite, my energy, and even my tears!!

"Great Caesar's Ghost!" Amy sputtered. "What glorious lovemaking!"

"OMG" texted Sue-Anne to her compatriot Ellen, "MY OWN PARENTS R DED!" It looked like the Mystery Girls had a new mystery!

"Approach ramming speed!" commanded Commander Klamsky, as her frigate plowed through the celestial ocean at erupting speeds.

Bookended with firecrackers, her birth was an auspicious occasion, festooned with all the ornaments of her birth, and solemn.

As someone who has menstruated, I thought, I could tell you it's no picnic.

"Hearken," he spake, drawing thither, "and alight thine eyes on yon comely maiden betwixt such knaves as they."

The battlefield stank thick with writhing "progressives."

Tuesday. Africa. Lion o'clock.

Alex turned to Gertrude, in much the same way Martin Landau turned to Barbara Bain in the opening of Space: 1999.

For many, surfing can be a pleasant and enjoyable pastime, if you like surfing, but not Peter.

Zamboni doubled — nay, TRIPLED over in happiness-demolishing agonies.

I have the ability to go through time, he suddenly remembered while at a bus stop near a tree.

Deep space. The silence of the void. Shh.

Deborah walked briskly down the street with pants on her legs.

Jerry's wife looked forward to a romantic time with him, Jerry.

"Ooh la la!" whispered Larry in French.

Farmer John admired the golden corn, sprouting from the ground like buried treasure.

"Tectonic plates fascinate me," she says, her eyes swiftly darting from my eyes to the ground, and back again.

"I hope I win," thought Ernest, blinking laboriously; he was proud to represent his country in the Olympics, but "What did it all mean?"

Org of Otterland was not Duke Og and Duchess Dina's first child, for that honor belonged to Natalya, brown-haired, eyed, and furred.

No matter what you believe, whether you're Christian, Muslim, or Jew, this is where it probably happened.

The door, which had been left open a few inches, was ajar.

The Ramadan tree was lit, and Aladdin joyfully sat around it.

Queen Elizabeth sat alone, wondering when Napoleon was gonna get there.

This story is a murder mystery — the mystery of a murder.

John Gantry surveyed the grim aftermath of battle through the aft porthole.

Hussein read the agent's TSA badge, gently grazed his strong hand with hers, and whispered two words that would change her love life forever.

Liz Trundy burst onto the stage to the wild applause of her fellow Mary Kay comrades, unaware that the wildest applause came from Digby Jones, NFL punt receiver, who had never let himself forget her.

Bob is sad. :(

Under Bob's fez was another.

As Lucas hunkered in the shadows waiting for his name to be called he fiddled with his cuff links, praying that this time his knife thrusts would be sufficient.

FUCK. I scream and pound my monitor so hard it stops functioning for four minutes, but I'm not using it anyway. I'm crying.

PEWPEW — Lasers! — PEWPEWPEW!

The thing is, you can never really tell if a person is looking out from behind their own eyes, or if the eyes are being piloted by tiny mice in swivel-chairs.

Sadly, Jim retracted his penis; it obviously wasn't welcome here.

Sleep was about to clutch my eyes, when suddenly the text rang through my head. Peering at my phone I saw, "WTF? LMAO!" and I could not help but smile.

The ship sliced through the ocean like wood through water.

I knew it was called salsa dancing, but phew!

Beatrice was aware that many had stood before her at this sacred place, with their own reasons, but with surprisingly few footprints.

Either the skeleton was a sheila, or some bloke had been sleeping with two silicone balloons on his chest.

Anthony's eyes bulged as we all watched, with languid, infinite slowness, his skull float across the cockpit.

MacGyver had grown old.

Mesa Jar Jar Binks, and thisa mesa story!

Shylockina, Queen of the Jews, surveyed her realm.

"What a horrible future we live in!" said FutureMax!

The dawn blushed; not because it was embarrassed (that doesn't even make sense), but because light bends funny.

The air hung heavy with the perfume of the circus — elephants, greasepaint and hot buttered chimps.

The flowers in the meadow grew slowly, as did my erection.

Tingling with joy and anticipation, Paul's gonads are just exactly that way.

It was more than a flirtation — he parted her labia like Moses did the Red Sea.

For hobos, spring was the season of love.

"BRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" rang the alarm clock, awakening me from my Gamma Hydroxy Butyrate-induced slumber.

BUDDABUDABDABUDDA, went the bullets.

Oh no! There they were coming! Francis shut his eyes and jumped into the fray. WANG! went the shovel wielded by him against the zombies. WANG! WANG!

Eve stood there, half-eaten apple in one hand, desire burning in her eyes. Adam screamed "Jesus woman what the fuck have you done?!!"

It was rumored that the necklace had cost close to a million dollars. This was a small fortune in India — far beyond the reach of most people.

Anamaria had already gotten up obviously because there was no Anamaria in Anamaria's bed.

Ext., outside Port-a-John.

A giant radioactive werewolf eats DORALEEN while
boyfriend CHUCK looks on in horror. 

                    CHUCK
            Doraleen! Are you okay?

EXT FOREST - DAY

A group of furry brown squirrels run and play in 
the clearing of a dense thicket. Off to the side,
PANDORA the squirrel leans against a tree smoking.
Her fur is dyed black, culminating in a purple
spike at the top of her head. She takes a drag of
her cigarette and squints up at the sun. 

                    PANDORA
               My life is a void.

INT. MY MANSION - DUSK

A study in subdued luxury.  A tall, handsome
figure enters — it's ME. 

                      ME
I have ninety minutes and lots of unpopular
opinions, so let's get started.

Bill's goiter had burst and it was on my head, Mary thought quietly.

"I can't!" screamed Jake to whomever was outside the airplane's single lavatory.

Cries of "Ahoy!" broke the turgid silence of the golf course; the Cap'n approached.

James took Mary's hand — not in matrimony just yet, but plain physically — and led her to the altar.

I woke up shuddering; my soul was now dead inside.

Everyone in the year 2020 knows about nanobots!

The evil Intergalactic Emperor surveyed the destruction he wrought. "Booyah!" he cried with glee. "I'm in ur base! I'm killing all ur mans!"

The door dilated¹.

¹This is in the future, when doors dilate instead of opening the way they do now.

"Joy is contagious," he said, peering into the microscope.

Her ovine familiar baaahed angrily.

The spaceship was crashing, but, more importantly, John and Greta were having sex in it.

While a hellish yowl tore my throat, the panicked kitten — in fact me — leapt crying for the throat of Julia, there seeking comfort — and revenge.

While my opponents fellate the Satan of special interests, I go down on Reform's compassionate angel.

My fellow Americans, as you know, my foreign policy can be summed up in five words: "Iludium-236 Explosive Space Modulator."

Critics are calling me a fat cat, viciously ignoring the fact that I've been working out.

Now, you're all aware of my vocal campaign against the global slave trade, so what I am about to confess may raise a few eyebrows.

I am pleased to announce that, although attitudes have improved immensely, the beatings will continue.

It happened exactly like this... well, maybe not exactly, but I'm fairly confident about the major points—not that I was there, though.

Indubitably, this was not the sort of soup that engendered wholesome thoughts of energetic eating.

The inner workings of the kidney, which you will no doubt find quite interesting, can, albeit shocking to some, be downright astonishing to others.

In retrospect, Grace realized she probably shouldn't have fucked a Republican.

"Son, defenestration is your only option."

Thirty days left, forty nine thousand nine hundred eighty seven words to go.

It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents — except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness. After blinking wordlessly at the scene for a few moments, Clarence exclaimed "This screen-saver sucks ass!" and switched back to the flying toasters.

It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents — except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness. Likewise, gusts of faith checked torrents of blahs, agitating Beth's innermost hope lamps — get it?

It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents — except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness. A cloaked figure stepped off the sidewalk (for it is in a puddle that we continue our scene) and a splash soaked his trousers.

It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents — except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness. Meanwhile, elsewhere, in Paris perhaps, it was less dark but also stormier.

It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents — except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness. Actually, I was just kidding; our scene lies in El Paso.

It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents — except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness. To unbendingly trudge through pelting precipitation, turn to Page 17.

It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents — except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness. And me without my umbrella.

It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents — except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness. Bob triple-checked the weatherstripping.

It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents — except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness. Things were mighty atmospheric, you see.

It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents — except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness. Yup... dark and stormy.

Listen: once upon a time (well, actually twice but I think the first one doesn't really count...or is that "didn't") there was some guy!

Herein lurk delegitimized power structures and epistemological straitjackets and stuff.

"Lawd a'mighty," howled Caleb, to the consternation of those few who still remained in the helpless, drifting lifeboat, "some of y'all are lookin' mighty tasty!"

And that was it, more or less, except for dear Gwendolyn who had a little trouble with syphilis for some time afterwards.

But Gran was once again lost in quiet reminiscence, or perhaps her epilepsy.

Bound, blindfolded, and buttered, at last Leopold knew the semblance of peace.

While defeating Mutantis, Gyroman lost everything, but learned that sometimes the clothes do make the man.

Her sad death thirty-nine years (and four books, if my plans hold) later, would help lessen my rather unspeakable distress at this happily-ever-after ending.

Maria's flossing was now complete.

Mary (who dies at the end, so don't get all surprised like the stupid person who wrote me on my other book) loved Joe, a lot.

If you're going to start reading my novel, please stop touching yourself like that.

Monica had exploded, and I had a mystery, and pieces of her pancreas, on my hands.

The moon was full, the hot-dog-eating contest was over, and I had a lot of throwing up to do.

A lone testicle lay in a barren field.

"Handful of Meat" was, unfortunately, more than just the name of Carl's band.

Jeremy didn't remember eating corn or, for that matter, wearing his good loafers.

Leon fell out of the goat.

First, let me give you some background on the whole monkey thing.

"Man, you won't believe what happened to me tonight," Dave declared, bursting into our dorm room, "but first I gotta go beat off!"

The night passed like a kidney stone: painfully and with the help of major sedatives.

Before I got hit by that ole bus, I never used to think much, but now I think PLENTY.

Done with slaughtering nuns and the infirmed out of cyber-lust, Mandroid turned his optical probes towards a more pastoral (and spiritually recondite) existence.

In anticipation, John licked his own lips.

Hank, Herculean therapist, cleansed the Augean stables of my soul.

To stand tall, to humbly crawl; to laugh, to cry; to puke bitterly, to suck on come what may — here follows my turbulent infancy.

Six o'clock comes early, and so does death.

In 3010, the potatoes triumphed.